![]() “I wanted to be near you, just in case you …” He smiles and shakes his head. You.” He looks down at the phone and shoves it in his pocket. Like he’s afraid I’m going to chase him away. I make myself breathe as the door swings open to reveal Ethan, phone in hand. When I reach the door, I tighten my robe and exhale in an effort to calm my nerves. Like the past three years have been a nightmare, and I’m about to wake up. ![]() But now that he’s here, I have no idea what to do.Īs I walk down the hallway, I feel like I’m dreaming. When I’d finished reading his email, I needed to see him. Probably the same way you’re terrified I’ll hurt you.īut I’m brave enough to know, it’s absolutely worth the risk.īrave is a word I haven’t used in describing myself for a long time.Įxcitement and fear crawl up my spine, racing to see which one can paralyze my brain first. He’s proven that time and again.Īm I still terrified of you hurting me? Of course. It’s possible for him to love me and still leave me. Because I know you think loving me again is a crapshoot and that your odds are grim, but let me tell you something: I’m a sure thing. But what do I have to offer other than a shell of the woman he fell in love with?ĭon’t be as stupid as I was and let the insecurities win. There was the knocking again, this time louder. We’re both hollow without the other, and it’s taken me a long time to realize that. I couldn’t comprehend that if I stopped being an enormous insecure jackass for five minutes, that maybe … just maybe … I could keep you. I’d spent so long believing I got what I deserved when people left me, that I didn’t stop to think I got what I deserved when I met you. I’ve always loved you, from the moment I first laid eyes on you. I know you think I left because I didn’t love you, but you’re wrong. Ironic, considering he was the one who broke me in the first place. Judging from his soul-baring email this morning, which included an epic declaration of love, I believe Ethan wants to repair me. It’s still just a collection of pieces impersonating its former shape. Beautiful repair, no matter how elegant, doesn’t make it whole again. Look at these precious fault lines of experience.”Īs I stand in my hallway, staring at the front door that reverberates with my former lover’s knocks, it occurs to me that even though Kintsugi is a noble concept, it doesn’t change the truth that once something is broken, it can never be anything else. It says, “There is beauty borne from tragedy. They equate scars with mistakes, and those mistakes with shame. As if the slightest damage proves how weak they are. ![]() So often, people try to hide their scars. It’s a concept that’s always fascinated me. The result is a piece that has obviously been broken, but is more beautiful for it. In Japan, they have something called Kintsugi – the art of repairing precious pottery with gold.
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